Good Grief - Blog (May)

Grief is like a flower and candle before a rainy backdrop

Sometimes grief is seen as something that's to be hidden from anyone else. It can feel like if you show signs of grief you'll be judged by those around you. You start to view your grief as something that could ruin how people perceive you, so you brush it squash it into a cupboard, flush it down the toilet and extinguish the flame. It's only a matter of time, however, until the cupboard begins to bulge, the water in the bowl rises and the flame is reigniting. 

Or maybe you just don't realise it's grief on the surface, because it manifests itself in so many ways.

Grief is good and is something you should express, not by force but by release. It can happen at any time for various reasons and is something we should be able to show others as part of the healing process.

Of course not everyone is the type to talk openly about their grief with others. Don't worry, there are ways they can go through the process of healing. 

I'm going to use a metaphor to guide you through this blog post. If you've read my debut contemporary romance novel - I which grief is a key theme that's explored- this might sound familiar.

“This jawbreaker represents your grief. People call these jawbreakers, but in most instances they aren't known for breaking people's jaws. From the outside, they appear bland, not sweet. However, when you suck on the jawbreaker - your grief - it shrinks over a period of time. While sucking on it, the person's tongue turns multiple colours as a result: red, yellow, blue, green. Sucking on our grief is helpful and it's good to show its colours to those who support us. Otherwise, the grief snowballs; it builds up pressure over time until it goes pop and the person finds themselves using potentially harmful coping mechanisms." - Jack, The Chasm Between Us

Therefore grief can sound like a lot of bad things and maybe the first consequence your mind jumps to when you picture yourself grieving is your world spiraling out of control. Do not fear! There's hope amidst the chaos...grief isn't always how it's portrayed on screen. You're not going to go downhill. It's healing. It's good to suck on the jawbreaker, just not all the time.

As I said before, talking about your grief to others may not be your thing, and there's absolutely no shame in that! Listening to meaningful music, meditating on heart-touching lines of poetry and just be still in a quiet place are all ways you can suck on the jawbreaker. You just have to find what's right for you.

I want to highlight a key thing when it comes to grief - and that is indifference. Indifference, whether towards yourself or others, isn't okay, especially when these four words pop up: 'your grief isn't valid.' Instead of thinking this alongside 'just get over it' - which is so annoying! - think, 'how can I be supportive towards them during myself OR how can I receive the support I need?'

Everyone is likely to experience grief at some point. The least you can do for someone who is experiencing a loss or emptiness is to show kindness, be it big or small. A little goes a long way and isn't likely to be forgotten. Whether the person is a close friend, an estranged neighbour or an arrogant aunt, show that you care. Besides, comparing someone's grief to your own or another person's isnt worth it, neither is it beneficial for our mindset, character or mental health.

In conclusion, grief is good because it expresses our emotions, thoughts and feelings. Think of it like sucking a jawbreaker - many colours will be experienced and it should be done in healthy amounts. Grief is different for everyone, but it's advisable to have a strong group - or just a couple - of friends or family members who you can talk to and who will support you every step of thr way. There's no time limit on it, and shouldn't be compared to others. Your grief matters, your healing matters, you matter. 

See below for some helpful resources :)

*Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones to Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt PhD

*Griefline lifeline

*Need to Talk? lifeline

*Samaritans lifeline

*Youthline lifeline

-Campbell

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